I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
