This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
