hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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