I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
