On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
