Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
