so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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