How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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