Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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