im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
