My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
