and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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