I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
only if we run a train.
done.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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