Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
