can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
