The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
