I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
