Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
