drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
