Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
