Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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