you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
A+ Viking dick
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
