You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
