I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
