you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
