I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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