I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
