i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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