how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Farmville is her only friend.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
