I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
