Have you finally orgasmed yet?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
