dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Randomize
