I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
