I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
