I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
