Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
