yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
