He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
