OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Let's get the cat blown out
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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