I'm drive I can fine osifer
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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