we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
