I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
