Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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