Fuck appropriateness.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
