I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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