I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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