I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
