I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
