They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
she peed on how many people?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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