I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
