i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
In other news, I just burned my penis
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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